Boxing Day
Ill fight and fight until the very end,
I fight for you to whom this letter I send;
After the days of you,
My heart need to be sewn;
Yet I dream of the days
when I called you my own;
I told you how I felt,
Wore my heart on my sleeve;
But you still walked out,
Couldn't wait to leave.
Now I want you back,
Girlfriend or not,
Cause I'm the only guy you'll find
Who thinks you're more then just hot.

The Big Bad Wolf
There on the floor lay my walls,
I tore them down for you;
I tried to keep them up,
but you blew and you blew;
I gave you my heart,
I gave you my all;
Now look what became,
Now look at my wall;
Lying in shambles,
Stand again it must;
But for now they sit,
Alone in the dust;
My walls have crumbled,
I sit here so blue
Regret, I have none,
For now I've met you.

Hey again! I dont really know why I'm writing this, I'm 100,000,00% positive that you don't check this anymore. But I guess I'm just writing in order to.... get it off my chest. I Miss you, A LOT. Haha I'm coming into this with an open mind that our friendship will work. But I want nothing more than to be in your basement watching Gossip Girl with you. I HATE GOSSIP GIRL ha but I was with you, and extremely happy. I've come to terms with the way our relationship is going, and I've actually become really happy lately. I started looking at the positives in life. I'M SINGLE! haha that's what most people tell me the biggest positive of everything that has happened was. But I don't agree. I would rather be with you than just hooking up with random girls. If you ever do see this, I can't tell you where we will be in live, or if I'll be in your life at all. But one thing that I can always predict is that if a second chance with you popped up. I would be all over it. I think tonight i was just really missing you because you said you were watching T.V. ha I just thought about the times when you were bored and would call me and we would just sit there... and makeout. We did do that a lot, probably too much haha! But I think that's the thing holding me back from moving on. We have soooooo sooo many good memories with each other, I just wanted to make more. I don't want to be forgotten by you. If you ever do come around and for some reason miss me. Just tell me. You'll make me the happiest man in the world. I understand you need time, and actually want to move on. tell your family Hi for me when you read this, and.... if you do end up reading this, text me, tell me what you think. I'll be happy to talk.

Dear Brenna,

I’m sorry about the way I’ve handled everything in the last few weeks. It was extremely selfish and immature of me to expect you understand my situation. Two weeks ago my life felt like it was over. I had a lot go wrong for me in the weeks before we ended it but I didn’t tell you because I knew our relationship was coming to an end. I didn’t want you to stay with me out of pity. In the week after we broke up, Nothing got better, the semester ended and almost made things worse. I felt like I had nothing going for me. In my lowest point, I desperately tried to find something positive in my life, and just couldn’t. In my head I thought if I got you back, maybe things would start to look up. It was stupid, I didn’t take your feelings into consideration. But when I left for Maryland, Everything started to turn around. My life started to regain the purpose that It once posessed. I had a plan to just stick with my friends and not look for a serious relationship. New Years Eve when I saw you I was extremely excited, but when everybody but Kizsla told me about you and him, I felt betrayed. I didn’t know how to handle myself. I wasn’t mentally prepared to see you with anybody else. When I told jade, I wasn’t telling her to put you down in anyway. I’m sorry if it seemed like that, I just didn’t know what to do. It just hurt to know I was struggling with moving on from you, and you weren’t. I felt like our relationship didn’t mean anything to you.  After you texted me that long message when you went to lunch with your friends, all I could think about was you and Graham. I remembered you talking about how weird of a boyfriend he was (haha) and couldn’t help but think I was possibly worse. But then I started to think about how you two don’t really talk anymore, I don’t want that. I want you close to me no matter what. Maybe you were right by saying I need a little time, but I feel like such a douche when my friends make plans to hangout with you girls, and then cancel them because they’re with me and your with Haley and Kaytee. At this point, I’m afraid that if we don’t talk, then we will never be friends again. I’m just now starting to understand that you’ve moved on and if I don’t do the same I’ll slip back into the emptiness I felt before. I want to be your friend more than anything. I actually couldn’t see us recovering from something like this and getting back together. I remember in the first few weeks we were dating, I told you I wanted to always be your number one guy and you wanted to always be my number one girl, and then we pinky promised it haha but I’m holding my end of the bargain up. I want to be your friend, if you think things would be awkward if we started now that’s fine.  But I’ll always be here for you.

From,

Noah

(P.S. I don’t know if you’ll ever see this because I wanted to give you space from me, so I decided not to tell you it was here. But if you’re ever feeling alone, pull this blog up and read through it. I’ll always be with you, you can always talk to me about anything... even if that isn't your strong point)

Happy Three Month Bwenda <3 these were just some songs that reminded me of you SO much! I want you to know that I will always be here for you, You'll always have a shoulder to cry on, or somebody to talk to. I won't be as pushy as I was, but if you ever want to talk, I want to be the first person you turn to. Stay Strong, don't get too Stressed about Finals week, AND DON"T WORRY ABOUT ME tehe :)

tonight I was thinking about every thing that was happening in my life, and I couldn't help but cry thinking about my life without you. i think i do a really shitty job at showing you how much I actually care. I want to change that, I've been trying to think of ways to get back to what we had. the only way i came up with was this. I have to stop taking everything so personally. You've told me before, but it just sorta clicked. But at the  same time, I need you to understand my position. I am not very good at the whole dating thing, but I try so so hard to keep what we have. Over the last few months I've always kept thinking that I have to be the perfect boyfriend for you. But I think while trying to doing so, I've lost who I really was. You fell in love with Noah and now your dating a stressed out, fuck-up of a boyfriend. Today I just didn't know how to handle everything that was going on. So I secluded myself. You know what I did that hour? I went to a bathroom stall and sat there. Just sat, and tried to think and straighten out all my thoughts. I'll alwasy want to be with you. But i'm willing to do whatever to try and fix things. Whatever solution you have, I'll give 110% at correcting things. Whatever happens, I want you to know that you're everything to me. I picked this song because it reminded me of singing it in your car with you! <3

Possibly the most dramatic Boyfriend you've ever had,

Noah

So i am really confused so i turned to blogging tonight (get ready) haha

Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that no matter what happens, I'll still love you. It makes me so mad at myself when you say you don't trust me enough to believe me when I say that, but goodness it's true. I want to satay with you so badly and I already told you i'm committing myself to getting our relationship to what it once was. I don't expect us to last forever, but now wasn't the time for us to part. At this point in my life, I need you. You've been a blessing in my life since the day we met and I want there to be many more days with you beside me. Before you, my life was so boring and normal. You give me a reason to wake up in the morning and I get excited on days when I see you! I've probably already told you this over the phone by the time you read this, but I'm willing to take a break if that's what you think will solve this. If you realize that you need me as much as i need you over that break, I will be right here waiting for you to come back. But I dont kow if i want to take a break because I can't stand the thought of losing you. I'm just so scared that if we do take a break that you will realize you like it better without me in your life. I screwed up in our relationship, if I could go back now, things would be so much different. But I can't , we just have realize that its a Brand New Day. From here on out I will look upon every opportunity with you to prove that I'm here to stay. Besides, a new outlook on the world around us can change everything. I put the second song in here because I heard it on Pandora and it changed how I saw today. At first i saw today as the gloomiest day in a while because we were having trouble, but now I see it was a rough patch that could possibly make our relationship grow closer together. Tomorrow, if we are both happy to see each other, and make the most of every moment together, who knows what could happen? It's just my theory that could possibly save what we have, i'm going to try it out i just encourage you to do it with me. Anyways, I just had a lot to say tonight and couldn't figure out how.

                                                     Love,
                                                     Noah