Dear Brenna,

I’m sorry about the way I’ve handled everything in the last few weeks. It was extremely selfish and immature of me to expect you understand my situation. Two weeks ago my life felt like it was over. I had a lot go wrong for me in the weeks before we ended it but I didn’t tell you because I knew our relationship was coming to an end. I didn’t want you to stay with me out of pity. In the week after we broke up, Nothing got better, the semester ended and almost made things worse. I felt like I had nothing going for me. In my lowest point, I desperately tried to find something positive in my life, and just couldn’t. In my head I thought if I got you back, maybe things would start to look up. It was stupid, I didn’t take your feelings into consideration. But when I left for Maryland, Everything started to turn around. My life started to regain the purpose that It once posessed. I had a plan to just stick with my friends and not look for a serious relationship. New Years Eve when I saw you I was extremely excited, but when everybody but Kizsla told me about you and him, I felt betrayed. I didn’t know how to handle myself. I wasn’t mentally prepared to see you with anybody else. When I told jade, I wasn’t telling her to put you down in anyway. I’m sorry if it seemed like that, I just didn’t know what to do. It just hurt to know I was struggling with moving on from you, and you weren’t. I felt like our relationship didn’t mean anything to you.  After you texted me that long message when you went to lunch with your friends, all I could think about was you and Graham. I remembered you talking about how weird of a boyfriend he was (haha) and couldn’t help but think I was possibly worse. But then I started to think about how you two don’t really talk anymore, I don’t want that. I want you close to me no matter what. Maybe you were right by saying I need a little time, but I feel like such a douche when my friends make plans to hangout with you girls, and then cancel them because they’re with me and your with Haley and Kaytee. At this point, I’m afraid that if we don’t talk, then we will never be friends again. I’m just now starting to understand that you’ve moved on and if I don’t do the same I’ll slip back into the emptiness I felt before. I want to be your friend more than anything. I actually couldn’t see us recovering from something like this and getting back together. I remember in the first few weeks we were dating, I told you I wanted to always be your number one guy and you wanted to always be my number one girl, and then we pinky promised it haha but I’m holding my end of the bargain up. I want to be your friend, if you think things would be awkward if we started now that’s fine.  But I’ll always be here for you.

From,

Noah

(P.S. I don’t know if you’ll ever see this because I wanted to give you space from me, so I decided not to tell you it was here. But if you’re ever feeling alone, pull this blog up and read through it. I’ll always be with you, you can always talk to me about anything... even if that isn't your strong point)